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You never know what you’re going to see at The Cabaret. It could truly be anything. Sometimes the actors will read poetry, or perform something that they have done for other projects. Others sing and dance, and still others pull volunteers from the audience and direct sketches. Last night was no exeption.

The Cabaret featured Dan Shea, Robert Picardo, David Nykl, and Conner Trinneer. Dan acted as the “comic relief” – though everything was so comical that it was no relief at all! – coming in in between the other acts, telling stories and jokes. I saw Dan in a Cabaret and the Chicago Convention a couple of years ago, and unfortunately he told most of the same stories – Chris Judge’s method of cutting the cheese, RDA’s revenge for Dan’s phone ringing on set, and Dan’s trepidation at having to ratchet Ben Browder for the slam against the wall in Stargate SG-1’s  “Prototype”. Dan also likes to suddenly take off his shirt and do push ups. He’s very proud of his “pipes”!

Robert Picardo was brilliant. I could tell that everyone was very excited by him being here at what he thinks may be is first Stargate specific convention. Fans of StarTrek Voyager are well aware that Robert is not a bad singer, and sing he did! He took 3 classic pieces, one of which he sang in original form, but the other two he changed to words. “Will you still love me tomorrow?” became “Will you love StarTrek/Stargate tomorrow?” It was hilarious! He also shared with us three short videos of things he has done with an Acme comedy group, who’s work you can find on line.

Yes, he’s wearing a piece on the left, and that’s him seated on the right, holding a baby toy, in a skit with the Acme Theater Group called, “Will you sign this?”. It’s about an actor at a convention who will do anything his fans ask of him . . . and I mean anything!

Connor Trinneer and Robert performed together, reading a two actor story in the way that a radio performance would be given, acting mostly by the way in which they spoke. It was very interesting and very well done! The story was about a writer giving a pitch to a movie producer, who then proceeds to tear it apart and rewrite in in the most ridiculous ways! Connor was the naive writer, while Richard was the producer.

I’ve saved David Nykl for last because I was unfortunate enough to become a part of his performance. Yes, David took volunteers, but I didn’t intend to be one of them! He asked, “who here writes fan fiction?” I raised my hand. Next thing I knew, David was pointing at me! I went, “Oh crud” and started making my way to the stage.

I will never raise my hand for anything while in sight of David Nykl ever again. He puts me and a young man about my age in chairs on the stage in either side of him, and then proceeds to tell us that this is his revenge on fan fiction writers! So what does he do? He pulls out one of those romance novels – the paperback kind that you can find at a grocery store – claimes that the author’s name is really a pseudonym of his, and tells us that as he reads a passage out loud, we have to act it out!

If looks could kill, David would be dead right now. I was mortified. I kept cracking up, it was about all I could do! I can’t act, and the whole situation brought back bad memories of being forced to perform in my grade school’s Christmas play. At least the audience was having fun! They kept cracking up as I kept pulling faces and doubling over, embarrassed to death. The guy I was partnered with said, “It’s better if you just go with it” – he was doing a great job! – but I said, “I know but I can’t!” David was enjoying his revenge. I caught his eye as I glared at him once and he just winked at me, the rotter! I don’t even write for Stargate Atlantis! But guess what? Now I’m determined to write a Zelenka story, and Zelenka is not going to be having much fun! Watch and see if I don’t manage to give David a copy some day!

Worse still, when Connor came out, he couldn’t help but comment on how the whole thing looked from back stage. He could see shadows through the screen on the back of the stage because of the stage lights they rigged up. To him, he said it looked like something really nasty from the ’80’s, and all he could do was stare up at it and munch on his potato chips. Thanks Connor, for compounding my unwanted fame.

I’m sure there will be lots of pictures of me all over the place in the coming week. All I can do is pray that illegal videos of it don’t end up on YouTube. Please, fellow convention attendees, I beg you. Don’t put me on YouTube!